Biscuet.com

My Mom called me a week or so ago when i was in Colorado for a few meetings.  I was having a burger at Five Guys when the phone rang.  I thought she was just calling to make sure my flight got in okay and all that, but then she said, “Earl is in the hospital and i just wanted you to know that it’s not looking good.”  She went on to explain that they weren’t sure if he was going to make it through the night.  Then my Mom told me something i’ll never forget.  She said that while she was in the hospital room with Earl he pulled her in close and said, “Tell Jonathan that I love him.”  That’s me, in case you thought my real name is Biscuet.

Earl lived a life that exemplified how to love people in a genuine way that gave others value and dignity.  He spent his whole life making other people feeling special.  He visited hundreds or maybe thousands of people in the hospital.  He watched many people die, including his own wife.  He served his country in the US Army and traveled the world as an Army chaplain to make sure our soldiers felt the love of God while they fought for their country.  I’m proud and honored to say that Earl was my friend from when i was a baby until his death.    He was a close friend to our family, someone we always looked forward to seeing at every opportunity.

At today’s celebration service we remembered the life of Earl and we heard marvelous stories of the humble life he led.  Many people don’t know the remarkable accomplishments that he had in his life because he wasn’t the kind of man to boast about himself, but rather he wanted others to feel the warmth of the spotlight, the warmth of gratitude, and the warmth of love.

During the celebration i had a couple of thoughts.  The first thought was about how only Earl could preach at his funeral.  When my Mom called to tell me Earl was in the hospital i remember her telling me some of the things he wanted at the funeral because he had already planned the whole thing.  I know what my Mom was saying; she was telling me that he picked the songs and planned how things would happen.  But in my mind all i could think about was, Duh, no one else could plan Earl’s funeral except Earl.  The preacher who speaks at the funeral can’t make stuff up about Earl’s life; he can only talk about the life that was lived.  The stories aren’t fake stories; they are stories that explain Earl’s life and why he was a man of faith, love, and joy.  Earl’s life wrote his funeral.  All of our lives are like that.  When i’m in a box on a stage it’s too late to make my life count so that people will say nice things.  We spend our lives writing our own funerals.

My second thought during the celebration was about how i felt during Earl’s last days.  I remember thinking about how he must be ready to go.  He lived a long, full, and enriching life.  He loved well and was loved by all.  If the love of friends and family is the most valuable thing on earth then Earl was among the wealthiest.  So in his last days i remember thinking about how i wanted to encourage him to go on to heaven. He’s done here and we are thankful for his time, but it’s now time to go.  I think if many of us had final words to say to Earl we would have said, “Go now.  You’ve been a good and faithful child of God.”  And in that same instant when he passed from this earth to the heavenly realm, Earl would hear God say, “Come on in! You’ve been a good and faithful child.”

Yesterday i had a random thought that most likely won’t make any sense, but i have to share it anyway because if it does make sense to you then i’m a genius.

I was thinking about the phrase, “Thank you” and how it’s translated to other languages and how it’s pronounced in each language.  Bear with me.

In English it’s “Thank You”
In Chinese it’s “Xie Xie”
In Spanish it’s “Gracia”
In French it’s “Merci”
In Italian it’s “Gratzi”

I’ll stop there because that’s enough examples for this sociological experiment.

My theory is that when people were creating their language they would typically be happy when saying the word “thank you”, thus causing them to smile when speaking.  Go back over the list above and slowly pronounce each word and you’ll find that they are easy to pronounce and the sounds roll off the tongue better if you smile a little while you say it.  I don’t think this is an accident.  I think it’s because back at the formation of our languages we smiled while thanking others so the words used to say “thank you” generally involve a smile for the best pronunciation.

I discovered this when i was thinking about how my Chinese teacher taught me to pronounce the “Xi” sound in China.  If you aren’t familiar with the Chinese Pinyin system, it sounds like “She”.  So because thank you is pronounced, “Xie Xie” or “Sheyea Sheyeah” (uhh, sorta) then my teacher would always tell me to smile.  If i pronounced it wrong she would remind me that i wasn’t smiling enough.

So, lesson learned.  Linguistically, and socially, it’s important to smile when you say thank you.

The other day i got an email from a good friend who lives in another city in China.  She was writing to update me on a weekend retreat she had just returned from.  She went down to a beautiful town with loads of natural beauty that is sometimes hard to find in the concrete jungle of the city.  It was an all women’s retreat with probably 20 women.  They had a special speaker who flew in just for the retreat to speak to these women and encourage them.  My friend wrote to me about how this speaker was a creative type with funky nail polish and hair that seemed to be everywhere and perfect at the same time.  She told me this speaker has traveled to dozens of countries and seen many great things in her life.  I love imagining what this woman was like.  You know, very soft spoken like she’s not talking to you as much as she’s talking to your soul, but you can tell she’s also a bit of a wild card; like she might say or do something totally off the wall and a little hair-brained.  I bet she has dozens of lives worth of experience and knowledge and wisdom.  I can picture those 20 ladies leaning in close to catch the wisdom and insight that must have been spewing from this globe-trotting, life-living, storytelling speaker.  As the weekend came to a close my friend that wrote me the email went to the speaker to thank her for her wisdom and encouragement.  When they hugged to say goodbye the speaker lady whispered to my friend, “Be free, be brave.”

And i simply love that.  And those are my words to you today.  Whatever circumstance you’re in.  Whatever this week has in store for you.  Be free, be brave.

There are many people in my life who help me along the way; and the good Lord knows i need as much help as i can get.  I could write a blog post a mile long to say thank you and acknowledge those who have been an integral part of my life.  This post isn’t about that.  It’s about a few people who have helped me and who are also doing some pretty cool stuff.  You can see ads for their cool stuff over in the sidebar on the right.  I’ll just run through them quickly:

Engage :: This is a very cool opportunity that i had the chance to help out with last summer.  It involves 3 weeks of teaching an English camp for high school students in Hong Kong, followed by a one week trip to Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Mongolia, or mainland China.  We had a great time and i was privileged to be there.  I’m looking forward to it again next Summer.

Darnology :: The brainchild of my friend, Brett; Darnology is a graphic/web/technology solutions company.  Brett is a genius.  It’s as pure and simple as that.  He and i get to work together on a daily basis as he helps me create stunning graphics and websites for the NGO that i get to work for.  If you need anything to look good, stand out, and draw a crowd then Darnology is for you.

Apps Jr. :: Also the brainchild of Brett; i couldn’t leave this off the list.  Although it doesn’t directly relate to me because i’m not a child, nor do i have any children, but i’m just so proud of Brett for creating these genius apps for the iPhone.

Stephen DeVries Photography :: Stephen is a brilliant wedding, event, and photojournalistic photographer.  His work has carried him all over the world and i’ve had the privilege of watching his skills develop over the years.  He does stunning work and is loads of fun to hang out with! (And he takes pictures of me for free when i’m in the US!)

Bedouins International :: This non-profit organization was started by Stephen DeVries after he and i, along with a large team, went to Reynosa, Mexico to paint murals on the walls of an orphanage.  It was a beautiful example of using art to bring healing and reconciliation to a broken situation.  Stephen decided that art and media can be used all over the world in every organization to tell stories and bring restoration.  That’s what Bedouins does. They use their gifts of filmmaking, photography, web and print design to tell stories of what some of the most amazing non-profits in the world are doing.  I have the privilege of being on the board of directors for this outstanding organization.

SpeakerWiki :: Started by my good friend, Taylor; this website helps organizations, events, schools, and churches find their next keynote speaker to match whatever needs they may have.  Taylor says this is the future of the booking agency for speakers and i believe him.  I added Taylor as an advertiser on my site because he’s been a great friend to me over the years and his passion for entrepreneurship is contagious.  Whenever i need a boost of energy as an entrepreneur i always turn to Taylor for an inspiring conversation.  He sees the world through a different lens that’s hard to explain, but it’s loads of fun to see through his lens sometimes.  I also love it because he often pulls all-nighters in America which means we can talk on Skype in the middle of the afternoon Beijing time – a welcomed distraction during my day.

I was talking about black taxis with a friend the other day and their response was, “I never take black taxis!! I hate them!!”  Those were pretty strong words so i dug deeper into the story to figure out why she hates black taxis so much.  Come to find out, she’s been ripped off a time or two, but as we dug deeper into her stories we both agreed that every instance of her getting ripped off was her fault.  So, let’s not blame the driver all the time.  Sure, he may not be completely honest in his approach, but if we are somewhat savvy and aware of their tricks then we can beat the system and enjoy the wonderful world of illegal taxis.

Therefore, i thought it would be appropriate to clearly lay out some rules for taking illegal taxi rides.  Here we go:

1. Know exactly where you’re going and how much it would normally cost in a metered taxi. This is very important!
2. Negotiate the price up front, before getting in the car.  The driver will generally keep their word on the price they quote you.
3. If the price is somewhat close to what a normal metered fare would be then it’s probably not a bad deal.  After all, you’re probably only taking the black taxi because you can’t find a metered one so you better take what you can get.
4. Be nice.  No driver is going to give you a good fare for being a jerk.  Yes, there are rules to bargaining where you “play the game”.  You have to be firm, but remember to smile.  Make jokes about how you’re a local and you deserve the local price.  They usually like that one.   And once you negotiate a price don’t hold a grudge; befriend the driver.  Notice my previous post – the driver and i had a bit of an argument, but as soon as it was over we chatted like good buds.

Those are probably the top 4 – or at least the top 4 that i can think of right now.  So get out there and have fun, get lost, get ripped off, and learn your lesson.  :)

*Disclaimer: i am not to be held responsible for anything that may happen from the result of taking an illegal taxi of any kind in any country.  If you get lost, your stuff gets stolen, or you have any negative or harmful experience then you cannot blame me.

This morning i took a black taxi to work and i had several reasons in mind for why i thought this was a good idea at the time.  First, as a point of clarification, let me define a black taxi.  A black taxi is an illegal taxi.  It’s just a guy with a car who wants to take you to where you’re going for an agreed upon amount of money.  There are secret rules to having a successful black taxi ride; i’ll write those later.  Remind me.  Today i took the black taxi for several reasons.  The biggest and most important reason is because i was freezing cold.  It was 8:30 a.m. and about 25 degrees fahrenheit. I got in a real taxi and told him where i wanted to go, but he didn’t want to go that direction because he was on his way to go eat.  As an aside, Beijing has shift changes and shift breaks at all the peak times of the day. It’s highly annoying.  So i got out of that taxi and stood by the road waiting for the next one.  A small black volvo pulled up next to me and rolled down his window as a passenger got out of the back seat.  He asked me where i was going and then he offered me a reasonable price i couldn’t refuse so i jumped in.  I told him where i wanted to go and then we proceeded to have the following conversation:
(note: the capital letters means we were yelling… yes, yelling.)

DRIVER: I’ll take the 4th ring road.
ME: No, take the 3rd.
DRIVER: No, where you’re going is close to the 4th ring road.
ME: I know, but the 3rd ring is faster.
DRIVER: I’ll take the 4th ring, it will be 5 yuan more.
ME: NO, TAKE THE 3RD RING ROAD!!!
DRIVER: NO!! THERE IS TOO MUCH TRAFFIC ON THAT ROAD! I’M TAKING THE FOURTH RING OR YOU CAN GET OUT!
ME: (silence as he stopped the car expecting me to get out)
ME: Take the 3rd ring.
DRIVER: (silence for 5 minutes as he took the 3rd ring with no traffic)
DRIVER: So where are you from?
ME: America.
DRIVER: How long have you been in China?
ME: More than 2 years.
DRIVER: Your Chinese is good.
ME & DRIVER: *chuckle chuckle* (because we know my chinese sucks)
DRIVER: (as we’re arriving he’s pointing ahead) See, there’s the 4th ring road.
ME: I know, but don’t you think the 3rd ring is faster?
DRIVER: Hahaha.

Moral of the story: Stand your ground when dealing with black taxis and their schemes to rip you off.

The other day i was thinking about how we all got here.  Well, to be fair, i was thinking about how i got here.  You know, like how i got to China and what in the world i’m doing here.  More specifically, i was thinking about the chair i was sitting at the moment and the toffee nut latte i was drinking.  It was one of those odd out-of-body experiences where suddenly i was looking at my own life from the perspective of a stranger.  I’m not sure if you ever do that, but it happens to me on a regular basis.  Usually when i have a free Sunday afternoon and i take a break from the wired – or wireless – world.   I was thinking back on the last three years of my life and, to be honest, i doubted so much about why i was here.  I’m dangerous when left alone with my thoughts.  I thought about my family and how i’ve wasted three years of not being around them.  I thought about my friend John who i’d love to be roommates with again.  I also thought about Patrick.  He’s married now so we couldn’t be roommates, but last time i was with him in Nashville we ate tacos together at SatCo. and solved all of our problems.  I was in Nashville trying to finish a short film about Cambodia and i thought it’d be nice to catch up with an old friend.  We must have sat outside of that taco shack for hours.  We both left committed to running away to Costa Rica and living on the beach.  So i guess i’m dangerous when left alone with my thoughts and when left alone with Patrick.  We like to dream and scheme.

There’s not a pretty bow to tie onto the end of this post where i tell you a marvelous story about how i figured out why i’m in Beijing and why i was sitting in that chair drinking that toffee nut latte.  Not all stories end like that, you know.  Sometimes we’re still in the middle of the story and this time i didn’t want to wait until we tied on the pretty bow before i brought you into my thoughts.  Also, just so we’re clear, i need more therapy than these blog comments can hold so let’s not turn this into a therapy session where we start talking about all the great things that are happening in Beijing.  Actually, i wrote a pretty kick-butt email this morning to a group of 32 close friends to tell them a cool story about some stuff happening in Beijing; and there’s a sweet video to go with it too.  So, i get it, awesome stuff is happening.  It’s just that sometimes at 4 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon with a toffee nut latte and a cushy chair in the dark corner of Starbucks i start to wonder what i’m doing with my life and it scares me that maybe i’ve made some wrong decisions.  But, all-in-all, i think things are alright and i think we are going to be alright.

Maybe that’s where you’re at too.  Maybe you’re wondering what the heck you’re doing with your life right now.  Be free, my friend.  Be free to be right where you’re at.  Make some adjustments if you need to, but don’t kick yourself for being where you’re at.  Just be there.  Live life for all it’s worth.

Last week i was leaving church with a group of friends to go eat lunch and, well, to fully understand this story let me back up just a hair.

At our church there are, on average, 5 very poor beggars who linger around the entrances to the church looking for scraps of change.  I’ve been watching this happen week after week for two years.  On the rainy days they aren’t all there and i wonder how they will eat or if they’ve chosen that day as an involuntary fast.  Every Sunday it’s the same people – okay, i admit, i’m not there every Sunday, but you get the idea.  They have their small torn and dirty cups out in my face.  Sometimes i’m running late to meet my friends so i walk right by the beggars and their cups hit me in the chest as i ignore their requests.  Do you know how terrible that makes me feel?  The only word they know in English is “money”.  I guess that makes sense, because i first learned the words that were most helpful to me when i was learning Chinese.  I learned how to say “chopsticks” and “rice” because that’s what i needed most at the very beginning.  There’s this one guy who sits on a small mat beside the large staircase leading up to the main sanctuary of the church.  He’s extremely disfigured from a burn incident at his former job.  His disfigurement is so severe that most weeks i can’t bring myself to look at him.  Do you know how terrible that makes me feel?  Sometimes i force myself and i say in my head, “LOOK! Take it in!”  I’m scared to death that one day God will want me to touch him or at the very least kneel down and put a plate of food on his mat.  Or *gasp* what if i have to hug him and look him right in his disfigured eye to remind him that he’s loved.  Or then there’s that one guy who has a crooked wooden crutch because he only has one leg.  He’s pretty fast on that little crutch and can make his way to me in a matter of seconds.  Sometimes i only smile as i walk by and what pisses me off most about that is that i know a smile isn’t going to fill his stomach.  I’ve digressed a bit from the opening sentence, but i wanted you to understand the thoughts, emotions, and circumstances i walk through every Sunday.  As i sit through the sermon each Sunday i don’t really listen very closely because i’m too busy arranging the money in my wallet.  I put 1 bill in my left pocket, 1 bill in my right pocket, and the rest goes in my wallet.  Then, when i meet the beggars outside i can take 1 bill from my left pocket and give it to someone and give the other bill from my other pocket to someone else and then tell the rest of the people i’m out of money.  I’m a jerk.

Now that you understand my situation a little better let’s jump back to where i started.

Last week i was leaving church with a group of friends to go eat lunch when i stopped to find money in my pockets to give to a nice old lady with her torn and tattered cup.  I see her every week; sometimes i give and sometimes i don’t.  During the sermon i had strategically placed all of my big bills in my wallet and left some change in my pockets.  However, in the heat of the moment i couldn’t dig past all the other crap in my pocket to get the change out.  I was frantically digging for change and she was impatiently waiting.  Suddenly, before i could get the change, a very well-meaning Chinese guy swooped in to rescue me.  He whisked me away and shooed the lady off with a wave of his hand and a quick word in Chinese that was incomprehensible to my western ear.  He ushered me back into the crowd of people walking to lunch and off we went.  The lady followed for a few seconds as my Chinese friends continued to usher me away.  As we walked i looked back over my shoulder at the old lady with her empty cup and i sank inside.  Now, days later, here’s what i wish i had the courage to say to that very well-meaning friend:

“I don’t need to be rescued from the poor.  I want to help the poor. I want the poor to rescue me from thinking i need to protect my money.”

So anyway, that’s a long story to pose one simple question:

Do you all have any ideas of how we can help these beggars?  What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Friends who listen.

Family who cares.

An apartment that’s warm.

Coffee in the mornings.

Music that makes me move.

Hot showers.

Stories that move me.

Big visions that are changing the world.

A city of 23 million people.

Chinese friends who love endlessly.

Hope.

Life.

Laughter.

Deep, honest, stomach-hurting, eyes-watering laughter.

Deep, honest, stomach-hurting, eyes-watering conversations.

And as Anne Lamott ended her book “Traveling Mercies”; “In a whisper this time and without even being exactly sure to whom I’m saying it: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

With the recent blog disaster i decided to completely redesign things around here to make it more simple, pleasing to the eye and more interactive for you the reader.  I’ll keep this post short and sweet, but i want you to be aware of a few new features.

Subscribe!
First, it’s now easier than ever to subscribe to the blog using your favorite blog reader or subscribe by email.  This ensures that you don’t miss a single post.  I know these posts are so awesome that you wouldn’t dare miss one.  To subscribe using a blog reader, click the orange square at the top that looks like this:

Or, in the sidebar on the right it says, “Subscribe by email” and you just enter your email address in that field and you’ll get an email anytime i write something new.

Ok, so that’s the new stuff about subscriptions.  Subscriptions are definitely for the cool kids so look into it.

Next up, the other buttons at the top right:
Those buttons will take you to my Flickr account, Twitter page, and Facebook page.  Check those out if you want.

My Mug
Next, in the sidebar you’ll see a picture of me because, well, it’s my website, darnit.

Flickr Photos
After that you’ll see my 6 most recent photos that i uploaded to Flickr.  As of this writing those pictures are all from the S21 Prison in Phenom Penh, Cambodia so yes, it’s been a while since i uploaded photos.

Ads
Keeping the ball rolling, after the Flickr photos we get to the ad section of the site.  I like putting up ads because i like being supportive of cool stuff.  The big ad is for a summer teaching program called Engage.  It’s an awesome deal for college students in America to go teach English in Hong Kong for 3 weeks in the Summer.  I’ve had several friends do it in the past and they loved it.  The other ads are for people who have helped me along the way in a lot of ways.  For example, Stephen Devries Photography has taken any professional photo that you’ve ever seen of me.  Darnology fixes all of my web woes and makes the internet work better for me in every way imaginable.  I could go on and on, but i’ll do another post later to highlight each ad individually.  If you’re interested in advertising your company, organization, or product then just let me know, it’s easy.

Ok, next up is the Share Icons:
When you click on the title of a post it takes you to that posts individual page where you can comment or share the post using the share icons.  You can tweet it, facebook it, or share it a dozen other ways if you’d like.  Share the love. Share the post.  Thanks.

Comment Threading:
I actually didn’t realize this was a new feature of the blog until after the fact, but the comment section now allows for replying to other people’s comments.  I realize this blog has never been really comment heavy, but i still like the idea that i can reply to someone’s comment or just make a new comment.  Having choices is nice.

I think that’s about it for right now.  I plan to add some other cool stuff soon like links at the top for certain post categories so you can quickly and easily find content that’s relevant to you.  I’ve hit the high points on the new blog so i hope you enjoy.  And don’t forget to subscribe!